Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
