In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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