I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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