I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What a dumb baby whore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
