You just made me feel so damn special
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
