She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
