I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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