His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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