I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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