hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
