Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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