my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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