That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
