sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize