she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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