4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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