Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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