Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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