Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
