I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
