I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
