I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
