I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
