yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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