my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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