People in love make me want to vomit
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
