Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
