You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
