Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
