Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
