if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
