I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
