Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
