So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
