in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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