i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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