don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
