guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
