My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
