I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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