Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
