i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
