My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The best revenge is premature balding
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
