Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
