Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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