I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In other news, I just burned my penis
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
