im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
