I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize