community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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