So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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