carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
