we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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