new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
