please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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