if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
