my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
