I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
