glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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