Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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