K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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