So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
