Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
