Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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