I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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