He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
