The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
