When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
