i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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