I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
