its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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