He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
