Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Text me some of your sweat
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
