I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
