would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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