I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
