the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
