rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This baby is an asshole
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
