I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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