And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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