are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
