You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
