you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
