let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
