Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
