she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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