She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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