Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
