community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
