In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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