Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
