My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
