Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
