conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
