I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
