i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Randomize
