There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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