when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
