Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is the prime rib incident all over again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
