she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize