I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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